My Partner and Me by Hollis Shiloh

Author:Hollis Shiloh [Shiloh, Hollis]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Spare Words Press
Published: 2015-02-15T05:00:00+00:00

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Tom woke me with his bad dream. He was whimpering. I hate that sound—he barely ever makes it, just sometimes in his dreams.

I rolled over and drew him to me, kissing his chest gently to waken him. He shivered and shuddered and jerked awake, looking around, bleary and lost. "Sean?" he asked in a wavery voice.

"It's me. Bad dreams?"

"Y-yeah."

"Want to talk?" He'd gotten them off and on for the past few months. So far he hadn't wanted to talk about them. I just held him, and that seemed to help. That made sense to me, because I'd almost always rather have physical comfort than be forced to try to talk about something. But I knew Tom wasn't always the same as me, especially when it came to verbal communication, so I always tried to offer to listen if he wanted to talk.

Today he took a shuddery breath and sat up, moving his limbs all at once, like an eruption of the earth. Volcano Tom. "Turn a light on?" he asked.

I did, and he squinted at me. His hair stood up and he looked harried and stressed. It made me happy to see him anyway, see him turning to me when he needed something, trusting me. I took his hand, and he let me, holding on. His mouth looked vulnerable, sad, and his eyes said something momentous was about to happen.

"When, ah, when Talgreaves kidnapped me…" He ran his fingers back through his hair, shuddered. "He threatened me, you know. And…I've just…I have these nightmares sometimes, that he's coming back for me."

I gaped at him. "Wh-what?"

He looked at me with a kind of blank innocence that was so vulnerable I just wanted to make it go away for him.

"Tom," I said cautiously, squeezing his hand gently. Because Talgreaves wasn't alive anymore. Surely he should know that?

Tom turned away, biting his lip. "We can't be all as strong as you are, Sean," he said in a shaky sort of voice. "It sticks with me, okay? I know you've survived things I never would have, and you're amazing and strong and somehow still keep a sense of humor and fun, but I—I was a mess about that. Sometimes I still am."

I'd hurt him. My shock had been interpreted as something else. That was his hurt voice, and I was its cause.

"Tommy, it's not that. I'm fragile as fuck, you know that. It's just…" I gave his hand a little shake, trying to force myself to say the words.

My mind raced ahead. If Ralstead hadn't told him, then…he must have a damned good reason. Either he thought it wasn't something Tom needed to know for his emotional recovery, or else…

Or else he thought Tom would hate me if he knew.

And maybe, I realized with a sudden fear like ice running down my spine, he would.

But he was having nightmares. He deserved to know.

I took a breath and plunged into the ice water, a churning North Atlantic sea filled with ship-breaking icebergs. "Tommy, he's dead. He's been dead for months.

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